My normal response to the question "How are you?" is okay or not bad. Mostly because nobody really wants to hear how you really are and also because I don't want to talk about it. So far the pills are making me worse instead of better. Though that is to be expected while I'm getting used to them I think. I go from being exhausted to having this weird nervous energy that I have no idea what to do with. I'm nauseous most of the time, though it's sort of a vague uncomfortable feeling usually, it's hardly ever feeling like I'm actually going to throw up. It makes deciding what I'm going to eat difficult though, and I was bad at that in the first place. My brain is all stuffed with cotton and I feel like I just don't get things. Though it's not always like that. I watch TV all the time because there isn't anything else I can do that doesn't make me feel anxious or overwhelmed. Thank god I can download stuff, I can't even imagine watching daytime TV. Hell even what's on at night half the time is shit. I can't seem to face things that require me to think. I still read at night, which is good, if I couldn't read at all I'd go insane. I joined zip.ca so I'd have some movies to keep me busy. There's this family thing this weekend. It's my uncle's birthday and other circumstances have brought a bunch of my mom's family together. There's a party tonight that apparently people want me to go to but the thought of facing all those people makes me cringe. Answering the same questions about how I am and what I'm doing with my life would be torture. Plus, I can't drink and everyone else will be... Ugh. Last night, my uncles that are staying here came down to visit with me at different times. They both asked me if I was in school and how the enzyme is going. Two things I do not want to talk about, much less I how I am doing personally. There's a brunch here tomorrow, which will be really difficult to avoid. I hardly know how to explain how I'm doing, especially to my mom. Everything feels abrasive, like it's rubbing my skin and it irritates to the point of pain.

I hope after I start taking the next higher dose of the pills (Monday) I start to even out. I don't know if I could do this all over again.

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